But what spectators commonly don’t see are the
slightly-less-than-exhilarating sides of skiing. The background events of racing (AKA a
professional skier’s typical, run-of-the-mill, every day life) aren’t always as
dazzling as the races themselves. Shocking, right??
So I’ve decided to create a new blog series titled
“Chronicles from the Not-So-Glamorous Side of Ski Racing”. Picture it like a blog-version of the TV
series “Dirty Jobs”. I’ll cover
everything from cleaning klister to crashing on rollerskis to living in hotel
rooms to what it’s like to race in the pouring rain.
And our first subject?
A personal favorite. Van Rides!
Packing up the SVSEF limo |
PRE- VAN RIDE: Packing. 12-15 ski bags each weighing 50+
pounds, pole tubes, wax boxes, wax benches, duffle bags with zippers barely
hanging in there, backpacks, food bags, boot bags, trash bags, bags with
who-knows-what-but-it-could-be-dead-bodies-and-why-on-earth-did-you-bring-all-this
inside; it ALL has to fit on top of, inside of, or behind the 15 passenger vans
that we are all soooo in love with. God
forbid we forget anything.
The view from the back of a 15 passenger van (isn't it scenic?) |
HOUR ZERO: Everyone clambers in, jostling (only slightly
competitively) for their most preferred van spot. For some, this is the front
row: easy access to the doors so you can pee faster at gas stations, you can
see out the front window (aka less carsick-ness), and this is generally a
central location for conversation. (BONUS: control of the radio or auxiliary
cord.) For others, the back rows are
where it’s at: you can sleep, it’s perfectly acceptable to not talk to anyone
at all because you can claim temporary deafness (thank you headphones), and
there’s usually a tiny bit more room.
HOUR ONE: Fitful sleep for some, shot-gunning coffee for
others.
HOUR ONE AND A HALF: Someone farts. All the windows roll down as faces are shoved
into sweatshirt hoods and jacket collars. Cold air blasts in for about 30
seconds. Windows go back up, leaving the van smelling only slightly better than
before. (You never truly realize just how bad a van smells until you step out
of it to pee at a gas station and have to get back in a couple minutes later.)
HOUR 1.75, 2.5. 3.75, 4, 5, ETC: Pee stop. Basically every half an hour because we
endurance athletes love nothing more than bragging about how hydrated we
are. Untangle yourself from seat belts,
pillows, blankets, bags, iPod headphone cords (the worst), somebody else’s
legs, and gingerly climb out of the van trying in vain not to pull a muscle.
Fall out of the van doors, stumble into a gas station that’s definitely seen
better days, and try not to touch anything in the bathroom. (I’ve gotten super
duper good at opening doors with my feet.)
Skip around the parking lot to shake out your legs and don’t make eye
contact with any locals.
HOUR THREE: Are we there yet? How long is this van ride
again? Oh, 12 hours? Well that’s fun.
HOUR THREE AND FIVE MINUTES: … Are we there yet?
HOUR FIVE: Lunch stop. After much heated debate, a location
for lunch is chosen. Preferably near a grocery store so a run for more food can
be simultaneously completed. Eat as fast
as you can, get back in the van, feel instantly disgusting.
HOUR SIX TO TEN: Stare out the windows at the landscape and
count cows. Crawl into a coma if able and hibernate under heaps of
jackets. Plead with your iPhone battery
to keep lasting through the drive, and then compete to see who gets the
charging stations. (FRIENDLY HINT TO ALL MAKERS OF 15 PASSENGER VANS: It would
be to everyone’s benefit if you just installed 15 charging stations instead of
a depressing 2. This is the technology decade people.) Plow through a book if
you’re lucky enough to be able to read in the car without feeling like you’re
going to yak. Pretend to be productive and write a blog post. Watch as much of a movie as your computer
battery will allow. Text everyone you
know trying to start a riveting conversation, but then you remember that most
normal people are currently at work so that’s not going to be very successful. Text
your mom.
HOUR TEN AND A HALF: Sleep. Wake up thinking you’ve slept
for hours and you’re at your destination, but really you’ve only slept for 10
minutes and now you have to pee again.
HOUR ELEVEN: Travel through the US-CAN border. (Coaches,
please count your athletes pre-border arrival.) Pray to every supreme-being you
have ever heard of that the border patrol decides to be nice and not search
your vehicle because you can’t remember if you ate the apple in your bag or
not, and you’re going to have a super fun time explaining to them what the
blowtorch is for and why you have about 50 explosive-looking tubes of an
incredibly sticky substance called “klister”. Hold your breath, hand out
passports, buckle up, answer all of the seemingly unrelated questions (why do
they want to know if we have family in Russia…?), and make it through.
HOUR ????: ARRIVE AT YOUR DESTINATION! LAND!! FREEDOM!!
AMERICA! (or Canada, whooo.) Leap out of the van, kiss the ground, realize you
now have to unpack everything and you can’t feel your legs. Instantly wish you
could get back in the van and just go to sleep.
Sometimes your vans get stuck and nice gentlemen in pick-up trucks have to pull you out of the snowbanks. "Everybody out.. and PUSHHH" |
Some can't wait for van rides, others are not as thrilled. |